The Gardner, This Criminal

by Clarissa

photo by Simon Howden

That Doc is a maniac of security, but still a maniac, is no new news

One morning, after Doc and I moved in the mansion in 1000 Querce, a quiet and lovely town of the Rabbit Valley in Southern California, the sun shines and I am in the kitchen to fix breakfast. At a certain point, I glance a shadow moving outside, and when I look, I noticed a man standing next to the gate entrance by the patio. Knowing Doc’s concerns to live in a house with three sides unprotected and open to thieves, burglars, and criminals, I promptly alert him:

“Doc, Doc” I say loudly “look outside by the patio, there’s a stranger there”
Doc is still half asleep in bed

“I know you’re kidding… let me stay in bed a few more minutes” he replies with a sleepy voice
“i am NOT kidding. Wanna bet a dinner out in the most trendy (and expensive) restaurant in LA???? There IS someone outside our gate by the patio” I add with little hesitation

After so many years, Doc knows that I am incredibly thrifty and reluctant to bet $$$ just for the sake of betting without little chance to win my $$$ back. Therefore, he jumps out of the bed and runs to the window with no hesitation.

“For Pete’s sake, it’s a gardener, and he is cleaning and brooming the common path” Doc comments with a note of sadness for having been thrown out of bed for such a silly reason.

“Are you sure? Are you completely sure???” I reply back “he could be a thief dressed as a gardener. He is also wearing a big hat that prevents you from seeing his face and thus being recognized. Perhaps, he has a camera in his broom, and he is taping the area to understand whether we have a security system and learn how to break in while we’re sleeping like two little angels…”

“Naahhh, he is a normal kind of guy” Doc says ready to go back to bed

“Hey, wait a second… It’s these people who seem so normal that you have to be worried about. Remember the comments of neighbors of a serial killer ‘he was such a nice man… he was so kind and loved taking care of roses in the garden’ and so on…”

After 5 seconds of complete silence, Doc yells from upstairs “STOP IT! DON’T SAY THOSE THINGS THAT YOU FRIGHTEN ME!!! Tomorrow, I am going to ask how to have a gun.”

Mission accomplished–I am soooo evil!!! MUUUUUAAAHHHHHAAAA