Calculus

by Clarissa

Saturday, May 26th, my friend G posted on Face book “Why in the world my children wake me up at 6.30 on weekends?” Her friends, also moms, commented sharing the same problem.

I was close like this at adding my comment “Dear moms, what if instead of these “little monsters”-who by the way are yet not aware of timing—is your husband who wakes you up at 8:40am because he miscalculated the time zone you’re at?”

All right, I admit that for these moms sleeping until 8:30am is a luxury. However, just for one moment, imagine the time you were younger and childless; if your husband/partner/lover had waken you up at 8:40am on Saturday morning, after going to sleep late at night, would you have been a little… disappointed?

Well, that is what happened last Saturday at precisely 8:40am. I was sleeping in my bed like a little angel in Morpheus hands (by far, my fav god) when the phone rang. In the aftermath of this sudden awakening, and while still asking “Who am I, where am I, what’s happening around me” I realized it was 8:40am, and I was ready to “destroy” that human being who was calling me in the middle of my dream. Because I become a MONSTER when I am awaken by the sound of the phone..

A few seconds later I looked at the phone. I realized the call was coming from Italy, and although the number was showing up on the screen of the phone, I just couldn’t recognize it. That task was going to involve a few more neurons that were not available at that time. I just recognized the call was from a cell phone.

“Hhhhhaaaloooohhh” I said with a sleepy voice
“Hi sweetheart!!!”
“SWEETHEART???  Doc, it’s 8:40 am. I was sleeping…”
“Oh I am sorry. I thought you were up… I’ll talk to you later…” click

It took me about 40 minutes to  fall back asleep. Usually, it takes me a while to go back to sleep because my brain undergoes a deep shock when I am awaken by the ring of the phone. Anyway, I eventually slept for another 2 hrs (I know all the moms I mentioned before are very jealous at this point…). At about noon 1000 Querce time, I called back Doc and between one sentence and the other I commented…

“Doc, what the heck where you thinking when you called me at 8:40am? I was dreaming. I was painting a sky, the stars, and the planets. I was making Saturno’s rings…”
“I thought you were already up”
“Well, possibly I could have been up. But last night, I went to bed very late because I watched the first two episodes of  “Il piu’ grosso spettacolo dopo il weekend” with Fiorello on YouTube. You know… there is not too much to do for a “single woman” like I am these days here in 1000 Querce on Friday evening…”
“Well… I miscalculated your time zone”

YOU MISCALCULATED MY TIME ZONE??? You, Doc, who has two graduate degrees in scientific topic (total of 10 years to get them), plus a residency, and 5 years of high school focused on math and science, YOU MISCALCULATED MY TIME ZONE??? Are you stating that you can’t make a simple subtraction?

I admit I don’t particularly like subtractions. I hate to have to deduct something you own because “so it’s stated in your problem.” I feel guilty. Moreover, to deduct 1 or 2 or 3 is easy; up to 3, I can subtract easily and fast. I find it more difficult when I have to deduct 6, 7, 8 or 9. I can’t be fast because I need to count with my fingers.-9 can be obtained by deducting 10 and then adding 1; but this requires two calculations instead of one.

Doc, let me give you a trick to find out the time in 1000 Querce when you’re in Italy: instead of deducting 9 hrs, add 3. Look at the time (make sure you use only numbers between 1 and 12 and convert all >12), then add 3 hrs, change AM with PM or the other way around, and the result is the time at 1000 Querce in that exact moment.

Easy enough, I hope ^o^

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